


Heartbreak and Acceptance

by Soapnanny



Category: Big Brother RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-23 07:13:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4867877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soapnanny/pseuds/Soapnanny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frankie goes to BB17 finale and didn't plan on running into Zach. They've had a falling out and try to come to a conclusion about their future..</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartbreak and Acceptance

He wasn't supposed to be here. I was supposed to be able to come to the BB17 finale, party with my friends and have a blast without having to swallow tears all night. Apparently Zach had other plans and this night wouldn't be at all what I had expected. It's funny, I guess we'll always have to expect the unexpected when it comes to the Big Brother gang. 

It seems like Zach doesn't plan on making it easy on me either. Ignoring texts, calls and snaps is a lot easier than having to walk away from him in person. The look on his face when he saw me, broke my heart even more. The big puppy dog eyes, the smirk on his face and the fireworks we see and feel when we're together, it was all too much. 

"Hey, can we talk?" He begs, but I can't stop moving. I walk away to find someone, anyone to distract me from wanting...needing to touch him. 

He broke my heart, took our relationship and squashed it while on a trip to Mexico to scam all of our fans. He didn't care about my feelings, he didn't care about my love. I have to remind myself that this stuff will continue to happen if I take him back. 

As I was frantically looking for Derrick or Cody while we waiting backstage to he escorted to our seats, Zach pushes me into the bathroom and locked the door. 

"Zach, unlock the door...I am not even kidding." I say as I grit my teeth.

"No Frankie! I can't." He looks at me with tears in his eyes.

"You have to listen to me. I love you so much and I know that I hurt you. I know that you can't stand to look at me right now, but you have to know how much I really love you." He was standing there inches away from me, pleading with my soul. 

"I'm sorry, Zach. I can't do this. You can stand there and tell me how much you apologize and promise that you'll change but I just don't buy it." We both know I'm lying. I am literally holding my own hands because I'm about to reach out and pull him to my lips. I can't do it, though. 

"Frankie... Please?? I wasn't even going to come to the finale but when I heard you would be here, I had to try. Look, I know I was an asshole. My fans are punishing me too but what I can't handle is you not talking to me. You know I can be crazy but you always know that I love you." He was full on crying now. Standing there holding my hands in his, staring at me like I took away his supply of oxygen. 

As badly as I wanted to give in and kiss him, I couldn't let go of the images in my brain of him in Mexico with that girl. Him laughing at his fans who were so upset. Him saying time and time again that he's straight, I'm just his friend. I can't go back to that feeling that I get when all I want is him to want me, want to be with me. I just can't do it.

I grab his face and kiss the side of his lips. "Zach, I can honestly say that I've never felt this way about anyone in my life and I probably won't ever again. I just don't think we are in the same place in our lives right now. You aren't ready to come out, and I'm pretty sure you don't think you have a reason to. I'm ready to have a serious boyfriend and find my life partner. I can't keep doing this cycle with you." He looks at me stunned, like a part of him always thought I would take him back.

"How can I live with that, though?? That's not a real answer. I will be ready for that soon, if not now. Can we please just enjoy this weekend together? This night?" He takes his time and tried to catch his breath while he rubs my cheek with his thumb.

"Zach, I would love to be your friend. I know we'll get to that point eventually but right now it just hurts so bad. It hurts that I want to kiss you, make love to you but I know we'd just be going backwards." I step back and turn towards the door. 

He stays behind in the bathroom for a few minutes, probably trying to clean up his face a little. While I find my way to the green room where we're being escorted to our seats. Since only a few of us were promised seats, I was confused when the handlers announced they needed to find Zach to take him as well. 

Well it's no surprise to me when I'm led to my seat to find that I'll be sitting next to Zach, with Derrick and Cody a few rows ahead of us. I wait for him to smile, I crave that drop dead gorgeous grin but it doesn't come. I've really hurt his feelings and I totally didn't mean to. 

I sit down and he quickly glances at me and then returns his gaze to the stage. This was going to be the most awkward hour of my life, but then I decide to make the most of it. I look at Zach and grab his hand. He gives me possession of his hand quickly and I lace our fingers together. He looks down at me and I can't help myself.

I reach up with my lips and kiss him sweetly. Half expecting him to push me away, I'm surprised when he kisses me again and whispers in my ear, "I love you so much, always. I'll be waiting for you to realize that we're meant to be." 

We sit through the entire finale taping, holding hands. Every now and then he'll lean over and kiss my cheek or put his arms around me, and it's absolutely excruciating. This is the life that I dream of, almost daily. Where we can be in public, even a chance of national television picking it up and there we are acting like a real romantic couple. I have no idea why he's doing this, either. Maybe it's because he senses that this is goodbye for now, or maybe he's still trying to change my mind but either way this is not easy. 

The show ends and neither of us move an inch. His fingers still intertwined with mine and resting on his thigh, we stare at each other with misty eyes and small smiles on our faces. Derrick and Cody approach us to ask what the plan is. Are we all partying together, do we want to be alone? Zach doesn't answer and just looks at me.   
"Well, I'm not sure what you guys wanted to do. I'm meeting Christine and Amber backstage and wanted to be at the wrap party for a while. How about you Zach? What did you have planned?" I ask without really looking him in the eyes and pulling my hand away from his.

He immediately stands up and moves behind Derrick while mumbling, "Whatever you guys wanna do, I'm game! Frankie is obviously busy, let's go."

I just smile and shake my head, this boy and his pride. He couldn't possibly ask me to hangout with them, or even tell me he'd see me at the wrap party. I stand up and tell them I'll see them at the party before Julie starts calling my name for a selfie. God, I love that woman!

It's an hour later as I'm with Christine being silly and dancing when I see Zach again. He's sitting at the bar that production built for the night and he's totally not acting like himself. I can't help but feel like it's because of me. I have to fix this, he deserves to have a good time. 

"Hey, go dance and have fun. Why are just sitting here?" I ask as I pull up the stool next to him. 

He looks at me and just shakes his head and stares are the bar, "I don't know why I'm here, Frankie. I shouldn't have come. Everyone wants to party and have fun, but all I want is you. I know I fucked up but you're just throwing us away. How can you be so happy right now?!

I guess I'm just a good actor!" I say as I look at him through the corner of me eye, while laughing a little.   
"I just don't think you should dwell on this tonight. You love being with the boys and they're here having a blast. I want to have fun with you, too. I miss my best friend Zach." I stand up and grab the back of his shoulders like I'm giving him a pep talk.

"I don't want to be just your best friend, Frankie. I was US back!" He stands to face me and grabs my hand. 

This was getting ridiculous, he can't possibly think this is going to end the way he wants. I really don't think he knows he wants. 

"Zach, do you understand that we weren't anything?!? We were friends that fucked occasionally when you were sure nobody would figure it out.. It wasn't all roses and it actually hurt my feelings quite often. I'm taking care of my own mental stability now." I was hoping he would drop it finally but what I got when I looked at him, was complete anger.

"You know what, fuck you! That's all we were to you? Never mind that we're in love! Never mind that I've been planning on coming out as your boyfriend for months, planning to drastically change my life for YOU!!" He walks away when he's done scolding me and then I know it's time to leave.

I walk around until I find Derrick to tell him that I'll be leaving. What I found though is not what I expected to see. Zach, Derrick and Cody outside the warehouse with Zach backed up against the building hysterically crying. I couldn't make out what we was saying but as soon as he saw me, he turned around so I couldn't see his face. 

"Hey Derrick, I just came to tell you that I'm leaving. Whenever you're ready to call it a night, the guest rooms at my house are waiting for you. Even you, Zach." I peered around derrick's shoulders towards Zach as I said the last part. He didn't shrug, nod or scream at me. Nothing.

All of a sudden I had an overwhelming urge to hold him. I started towards him and Derrick caught my shoulders and shook his head no. Excuse me, nobody tells me no. So I shoved my way to Zach and grabbed his arms that had his head cradled against the building and brought them into my arms. He fought me at first and then melted into my arms. I ran my hands through his hair and started kissing his ears and neck. I needed to comfort him, I caused this. 

"I'm sorry, I am. I don't want to cause you pain. I really don't, my love. I love you, you know I do." I whisper to only him as I try to bring some sort of comfort to his tortured heart. 

Zach just nodded but didn't lift his head from my chest and shoulders for quite some time.   
"Do you want to come stay with me? I don't care where you sleep. I know this isn't how you wanted this night to go, but it's important to me that we be okay. I love you with all my heart, I would love us to be friends. Come with me, stay at my house." I was the one pleading with him now. 

 

It was about a half hour later when we walked through my front door and I started assigning bedrooms. Ari is out of town but I had to explain to the boys that her room was off limits. The dogs were so excited to see new people that we ended up outside with them for a while playing fetch and snapping videos of them being amazing. 

After a little bit I noticed that Zach was missing, so I went looking for him. I went to my room thinking he would want to snuggle or something but didn't find him until I went to the last guest room and turned on the hall light outside the opened door. The room was black and I couldn't see him at all, but I could hear him. He was curled up on his side of the bed he loved and every now and then I could hear him sniffing, like he was crying. Right then my heart shattered to a million pieces. The love of my life is broken-hearted because he really thought I would always take him back. 

I entered the room and went around to the other side of the bed, my side.. Took off my clothes down to my underwear and opened the blankets. He hadn't made a move so far and was totally pretending he didn't know I was there. I got into the bed and reached for his shoulders. With his back to me he scooted further against me, turning me into the big spoon. I could feel him trying to catch his breath as I wrapped my arms around his middle and laced our fingers together. 

"Do you believe that I love you?" He whispered into the darkness.

"Yes, Zach. I know that you love me. The same as I love you, I really do believe that we're meant to be together. I really do." I can feel him turning around to face me as I say this.

"Then why can't we be together then, Frankie. I really don't understand, because you say we love each there and we're meant to be.,,then why the hell cant we be?? That makes no sense. None." I can tell he's trying really hard to not get mad.

"Because, baby. We aren't good for one another right now. You aren't ready to come out yet and it's been over a year now. Once you do come out, eventually.. You'll have to deal with your family, your friends, your fans... And you shouldn't have to worry about me. You need to worry about you and who you really want to be." I say as I'm running my hand through his hair. God, I love this man.

"You've always said you'd be there for me during that..you changing your mind now?" His eyes tore through my soul. 

"I'm not leaving Zach, I just need to back up a little bit. I need to be able to go out and have a good time with out and proud gay men without you threatening to never talk to me again. I want to call and check on you as your best friend without you pretending to not have any feelings for me when you're around others. This way we can continue to be who we are right now and work on who we want to be." Hoping he understood that I'm giving him an out. This way he could stay in the closet as long as he wanted. This really was our best option right now, but it still hurt.

"Okay.. I ...okay, I know it's not what I want right now and I'm sure it's gonna be hard to just be friends with you, but promise me something?" He said sincerely as he stroked my cheek with his thumb.

"Anything, you know that." I said as he leaned forward and kissed me so sweetly. This was a solid, we love each other but it's not the right time. Goodbye kiss.

"When the time comes and we're both ready to be official, will you just marry me then so I can kiss you any time I want?" He smiled as I nodded my head.

This was the perfect solution for right now. He knows that I'll always be here for him in some capacity and I know that someday we'll be more than okay, we'll be fantastic. Zankie is endgame, we just need to get our ducks in a row. Until that time comes, we'll be best friends.


End file.
